Reality TV Isn’t A Guilty Pleasure—So Why Do I Feel Embarrassed to Watch It?

These days, my weeknight schedule is packed. On Tuesday nights, I’m glued to Dancing with the Stars. I reserve Wednesdays for the new episodes of The Real Housewives of New York, and on Thursdays, I pivot to my girls in Salt Lake City. I need to see the new season of Love is Blind, and, of course, I already binged The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives in a single weekend. It’s officially reality TV season, and honestly, I’m swamped.

With all the time I spend watching reality TV, you’d think I’ve always been a die-hard fan, but it wasn’t always like this. For years, I dismissed the genre as trash—mindless content for zoning out that didn’t appeal to me. I’ll admit, I thought it was a little beneath me. I’d have much rather watched a high-budget scripted drama that I could “get something out of.”

Now, after a complete 180 on the genre, I’m a staunch defender of reality TV and refuse to feel guilty for my obsession. Yes, it’s often over the top, but there’s real value in the stories it tells. Here’s what changed my mind about the “trashiest” form of television.

Why reality TV matters

Reality TV draws us in on a premise of exuberant wealth, unattainable lifestyles, competition, sex, or drama. Those hooks are also the reasons people may look down on it. These themes are popular across media, but when they’re on a non-scripted television show, suddenly, they’re “guilty pleasures.” Like other genres with a predominantly female audience—such as romance novels and pop music—reality TV faces disproportionate scrutiny. Just because reality TV invites criticism doesn’t mean it lacks value. Here are some reasons why reality TV merits a closer look:

It centers women’s stories

One of the most powerful aspects of reality TV is its ability to put women’s stories front and center in a way that few other genres do. As the meme says, “We need more complex female characters, but you couldn’t even handle her”—cue images of Rachel Berry, Cassie Howard, Rory Gilmore, Hannah Horvath, or any other widely criticized female character. But in reality TV, we not only handle them—we welcome them. The more interesting, flawed, or contradictory a female reality TV star is, the better. We’re not limited to narratives about great love or storylines with women as victims of horrible crimes, but we’re able to see the everyday lives of women, no matter how messy they are.

Of course, some reality TV shows do pit women against each other—there’s no denying it. However, the audience also sees how women navigate those conflicts, rebuild their friendships, and support each other when it matters most. In The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, for example, we see a friend group criticize each other and fight over petty exclusions, like Jen Affleck uninviting some of the girls to her baby blessing event for not being “Mormon enough.” Even after that drama, the girls all stand by Jen when her husband, Zac, berates her via text.

As these women’s lives evolve, their shows grow with them. In the Housewives franchise alone, we see women discovering their sexuality after divorce, battling substance abuse issues, struggling with infertility, and finding their way out of abusive relationships. Reality TV doesn’t force characters to stay the same for seasons on end—it shows the ebb and flow of their realities. Yes, these serious topics are broken up by fights, but that doesn’t erase the fact that they’re central to the genre.

Reality TV shows the complexities of human relationships

Beyond focusing on women’s narratives, reality TV also gives us a raw glimpse into the intricacies of human relationships, from the bonds of friendship to the fallout of betrayal (there’s no heartbreak like a plot twist elimination in Survivor). Conflicts that seem too trivial to serve as a plotline in regular TV may be the basis of multiple episodes in reality TV. They’re also the things we struggle with in our real lives. Reality TV highlights how people navigate complicated friendship dynamics, face rumors, and learn to apologize and rebuild after a fight. It’s an intriguing character study that not many shows can offer.

With reality TV, you can also step into worlds you might never otherwise experience, gaining insight into new lifestyles and empathizing with the challenges that come with them. I have no personal connection to the Mormon religion or the state of Utah, but after watching The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, I feel much more familiar with both. It’s just one perspective, of course, and there are many different experiences within that community, but I still left the show with a new understanding. Reality TV grants access to lives you might not have experienced so intimately otherwise. Even the seemingly perfect lives of the elite on shows like The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, you can unravel to reveal layers of complexity beneath the dazzling surface of Hermès bags and Cartier jewelry.

It provides cultural documentation and commentary

Television has long served as a historical and cultural reference point. Comparing 1950s scripted shows like I Love Lucy to The Real Housewives of Orange County, which aired in 2009, shows how much the role of women in the home and society has evolved—and reality television is a huge part of that. Even looking at those early days of Housewives and the new The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, we see the differences in what was trending, how people acted, the technology, and the slang they used. Reality TV gives us a snapshot of how times have changed.

Many of the criticisms people use to discredit reality TV are just the shortcomings of our world playing out as it is on our screens. Take The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, for example. Is it the women’s fault they preach empowerment within the Mormon faith in one scene and then have to ask their husband’s permission before joining an outing in the next? Or is it an honest portrayal of women grappling with their roles in a religion that emphasizes the authority a husband has over his family? Are The Real Housewives creating unrealistic beauty standards with each new season, as they appear on screen with ever-smoother skin and fewer fine lines? Or are they simply products of a society that refuses to let women in media age?

Yes, it can be uncomfortable to face these realities, but so is reading a nonfiction book. Reality television is just nonfiction plus entertainment value. With tricky editing and overly produced scenes, it may not always offer a completely unbiased or objective view of humanity, but it always brings up valuable questions about the state of the world as it is.

It allows you to connect with others

My passion for reality TV is how some people feel about sports teams. I have my favorite players, and there’s usually a specific team I’m rooting for. Only, instead of the drama unfolding on a field, it’s set in the freshly bought McMansion of a reality star.

When you find out another person is also a fan of reality TV, it’s exactly like meeting someone who is a fan of the same sports team. You can go over player stats (yap about how many Instagram followers Devin lost after that heinous Bachelorette finale), speculate about who’s going to win the next series championship (discuss whether Whitney will still own the villain storyline on the next season of The Secret Lives), and even place your bets (cast your vote on Dancing With The Stars). For myself and many other women, reality TV is a source of community—and that’s just as important as a group of bros watching the Super Bowl.

Its entertainment value is next-level

For all its cultural relevance and deep insights, maybe the most significant reason we tune into reality TV is the unparalleled entertainment it provides. So much of entertainment today revolves around high stakes: Crime dramas, superhero movies, and fantasy shows seem to rule streaming services. Reality TV can’t rely on the same otherworldly drama, so they use interpersonal conflict and relationships to keep people hooked. It’s campy and over-the-top, mimicking the thrill of getting juicy gossip from a friend without inviting drama into your life.

I’m no stranger to criticism over my love for reality TV, and in the years since I started watching it, I’ve heard it all. Answering the simple question, “Have you watched anything good lately?” can quickly lead to a condescending eye roll, a scoff followed by, “But have you watched any real TV?” Every time I encounter one of these reactions, I know that even if it’s subconscious, it’s coming from a place of undermining women’s interests.

If you’re an unyielding reality TV naysayer, maybe it’s time to ask yourself: Are you really so quick to overlook an entire genre because it’s “trashy,” or is it because the only way you’ll take women’s stories seriously is if they’re perfectly packaged in content that feels more respectable to you (like a moody Max original with a female detective lead, an all-male directing team, and a suspenseful score)? You don’t have to join our Golden Bachelorette watch parties, but please spare us the talk about how you “never watch reality TV,” like it makes you better than the rest of us. Let the girls have this one and gallop off into the sunset on your incredibly high horse to watch a documentary or something.